henri says i'd win if they had procrastination olympics.
i told him that of course i'd win, but probably wouldn't get around to picking up the medal.
before we even left i learned that one should always put on self-tanner with plastic gloves. orange palms do not become a woman. thank you david for distracting me on the phone.
2000 people trying to get off a boat do not mix well with 2000 trying to get on the damn boat.
nothing beats sitting on your own private balcony watching a lightning storm off the coast of mexico on a warm summer's night.
except for really ripping a big one a seat away from a teenage boy and watching his family beat on him for stinking it up again. "honest, mom, it wasn't me this time."
mazatlan at 95 F and 1000% humidity is pretty fricken hot. plus the rottweilers and little dudes with guns bigger than them did nothing to make me more comfortable. i did like the classy touch of big shards of glass protruding from the tops of the walls surrounding their compounds. henri called it 'poor man's barb wire.' obviously we took a wrong turn off the boat. we never did find the main little town.
don't save your big shopping expedition for cabo san lucas, aka, rip-off central. i found this really cool purse. i asked how much. $22 us! sheesh. i gave the man a incredulous cara look. he shrugs his shoulders and says, "it's cabo." so i walked away. and he didn't follow me lowering the price.. i was astounded. it made me question if i was really in mexico. no haggling, cajoling, whining. no offer to throw in some free chiclets. "it's cabo?!" what kind of response is that. at least the locals have a healthy, parisian-like sense of self-importance. it must make it easier to ignore the pee stink in the back alleys.
sometimes when you wink at the guy at the table next to you, he'll share his wine with you. but then later on he turns into a stalker and that's not so cool.
carnival should perhaps be a bit more choosier when hiring entertainers. example one: in the main atrium at the center of the boat, which was open to all 10 floors, was a, um, singer/musician. she sang eagles and elton john classics accompanied by sound tracks and a funky 80s bass guitar. you have to have been there to realize how hideous she sounded. henri and i would practically run to the elevator to escape the sound. unfortunately at every stop we would hear her and cringe.
i also learned that henri desperately needs a pair of black dress shoes. i finally got him to go shopping shortly before we left. our big outing was to the swanky mark's work warehouse. always a fun time. i got him to buy two dress shirts (button up and short sleeved, of course), a pair of shorts and a new pair of dress pants. the pants are quite nice if i say so myself as i picked them out. they are grey and soft, because henri only likes to wear things that are soft and broken in, which is why he takes pride in having clothing from grade school.
so on the second night of the cruise, the first formal night, i thought i had my man all set. he had a nice blue dress shirt, with a tie(!) to match and his spiffy new pants. i gave him the once-over look and what the! he had on his sandals! not only that. he had them on with socks! let me remind you that my husband is not 75. (perhaps there may be a 75 year old living in his almost 30 year old body, but that may be the subject of another post.) alas there was nothing i could do. his sandals, that cause his feet to smell of decomposing fish guts, that have been, literally, all over the world, were the only pair of shoes that he packed. so, really, i guess i was thankful for the socks. at least i would be able to keep down my dinner.
well that's it for now. i actually have to work tomorrow.
so we're back. and we had a fabulous time, thanks for asking. california is everything you see on tv plus more traffic. we even saw a celebrity, the dorky dude from the drew carey show. we went to downtown la to see where henri's server is kept (yeah, don't ask, it wasn't that exciting. sorry, honey.) unfortunately the guy he wanted to meet up with wasn't at the building, so we walked around amid the skyscrapers for a while. then being from vancouver, and thus knowing what it looks like when they're filming something, we spotted some action.
excitement of all excitement. they were shooting a jc penney commercial. oh boy. that's like the bay to all my canadian readers. the scene they were shooting over and over was of these prissy looking models holding jc penny bags getting onto a bus. well there was one guy in a suit and i thought that he looked vaguely familiar. and i was right, it was deidrich bader, who played oswald on the drew carey show. henri went up to him and i guess he was really nice and let henri take his picture with him. cara was chicken shit and hid behind the trailer. i'll post pictures of our little encounter later, when i am inevitably procrastinating again.
yep, i'm up to it again. the big p word. not so bad that i'm baking cookies or cleaning my bathtub, but close. the bbq cover is looking like it needs to be hosed off.
we just got back last night from our rollicking holiday and i have today off from starbucks. in my mind that meant, step it into high gear, sister! two weeks left until school is back.
but no. i have yet to finish the two courses that have been hanging over my head for quite some time now. (sounds like agent black: "we have been keeping our eye on you for quite sometime now, mr. anderson.") i have been meaning to work on them today. but as it is 6:30, that outlook doesn't look too positive. i mean the summer olympics are only on every four years. c'mon.
speaking of, i am a bit obsessive over the olympics. a great majority of my cruise time was spent watching channel 26, nbc. much, much, much to henri's disappointment. he would rather have watched "cheaper by the dozen" with steve martin over and over. i think, perhaps, i won him over in the end. when i was in the bathroom on the last night getting ready for dinner, he kept me appraised of the american girls in the diving semi-finals. and i don't think it's just because they were girls in bathing suits. well, maybe.
anyway. back to my diddle-daddling. we'll see how tomorrow goes.
working at starbucks today, I looked up and saw an old 'friend'. i use that term loosely. i had not seen this person in over 2 years. even when i saw this person on a regular basis, i was, what i liked to call, the big ear. this person had(has!) so many problems and issues and quirks and i was a lot more docile back then. i just listened.
i was at work and so unable to escape (i even had to hug her). she had a captive audience. her favorite kind. and she had a man with her. i thought that odd considering she and her husband had divorced, essentially, because she decided she was gay. "perhaps he's just a friend," i thought, until he kissed her. it was kind of icky actually. one thing about her had not changed and that was the incessant ringing of her cell phone. i took the opportunity to ask the guy who he was. long story short, they met saturday (it's now tuesday), and they're in love.
eegads. what does one say in this situation? i laughed, as any reader of this blog could have predicted. she then felt she needed to give me a little run down of her love life for the past couple of years. inside i was willing customers to come inside and rescue me. she was in a relationship with a girl for a year and then with another one for another year. but they're all still best friends. yippy skippy. what does one say to that, "congratulations?" then she met this guy, online, they met in person and that same night told each other they loved each other.
i really do wish this person well in this new relationship. he seemed like an ok guy. quirky as well. but dammit, i'm pissed she knows where i work. knowing her penchant for mlm schemes, i'm afraid i will be hearing from her again. but i said no to melaleuca and nifty pots and pans from her before, i can do it again. plus she doesn't know the new and improved cara who really doesn't enjoy selfish, self-absorbed people who do not know how to be in healthy, giving relationships.
she gave me her phone number. perhaps i'll go for coffee or something. then again, do i want to be drawn into her web of weirdness again?
perhaps none of this makes any sense to you. that's ok. it's cheap therapy for me.
as henri and i prepare to take another cruise, i feel this is as good a time as any to tell you all about the evil jumping carrot on the first cruise we took.
i think it was late one night in the middle of the week. henri and i had both imbibed on the contraband booze we had brought on board with us. perhaps i had a bit more than he. we were walking around in the casino watching the random people yell random phrases at the dice/cards/eastern european people running the games. ie: corn high yo! what the hades does that mean? anyway, pretty soon, a mini buffet appears in the corner of the casino. seriously. sometimes food would appear and i would not know where it had come from. even when i had not been drinking alcohol. as always, henri and i were up for some free food, so we headed over. i loaded up my plate with lots of fruit and some veggies and dip. we took our plates and walked around some more.
now i must divulge something kind of quirky about myself. i really don’t like to eat food with my hands. i eat chicken wings with a knife and fork. as i do pizza. i just don’t like having dirty or greasy hands.
so I eat my fruit and then move onto the veggies. i take my fork (because I would not want to get any dip on my fingers) and I tried to pick up a carrot. stupid plastic fork would not stab stupid hard carrot. stupid hard carrot jumped off my plate, ran through the ranch dip, and landed on a lady’s leg and proceeded to slide gracefully down her leg, leaving an elegant white smear. tipsy cara now giggles uncontrollably. henri then decides that maybe she has had enough and takes her back to the room.
that story is enough in itself to embarrass me. but wait there’s more.
the next day we arrive at the cayman islands. henri and i have signed up for an excursion to snorkel and swim with stingrays. we have to take a boat from shore that takes us out to this atoll where all the rays hang out together. across from us on the boat is this family. there’s the mom, a sister, a brother and his girlfriend. They had heavy new york accents and had star of david pendants on, so I deduced that they were jewish folks from new york city. yeah, i’m a smart girl. i started talking to the sister, who was probably about my age. pretty soon she introduces me to her brother and his girlfriend. Well, yes, i’m sure you can see where this is going.
the girlfriend says, “we’ve met. last night at the casino when your carrot ran down my leg.”
side note. i just went into the living room and told henri that i needed some refreshing, as i couldn’t remember the rest of the story. he told me to sit down by him and then he proceeded to blow into my ear. he must have confused refresh with refill. i'm not sure i like it when he insinuates that i'm a dumb blonde. hmmm.
then he told me that i spit on the girl. that when i realized who she was i started laughing again and accidentally spit on her. i think i must have blocked that from my memory.
all in all a very embarrassing few moments. hopefully nothing like that happens on our next cruise. but you can bet that if it does, you'll be the first to hear about it.